allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
the condom got lost in my hair
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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