OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize