just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
