There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
