I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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