The best revenge is premature balding
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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