Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
