I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Randomize
