like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Randomize
