We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
