You don't have asthma, your pregnant
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I will pee on everything he values.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
