my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
