I think scott just propositioned me for sex
someone threw a dead crab at me
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
