I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
