So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
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