I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
