Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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