If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
