Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize