take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
