are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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