Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
