My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
