Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Randomize
