Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woke up backwards on a recliner
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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