Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
