Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
