I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
Randomize
