Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
