why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
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they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
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This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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