11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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