I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
