nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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