is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
