When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
