She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You need Xanax blowdarts
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
