I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
