it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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