who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
