Do vagina's smell?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
