Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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