you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
You did what with his pubic hair?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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