I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
