Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
you had me at cake vodka
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
