U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
