Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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