i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
