just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
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