Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Randomize