nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
