can we get nightvision for the apartment?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
