ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He felt like a one man threesome
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
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did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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