I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Randomize
