a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
