My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Randomize
