I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
