if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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