i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
