If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
