you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Randomize
