We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
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In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
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The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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