How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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