3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
