It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
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How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
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We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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