I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
