wakey wakey hands off snakey
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Randomize
