You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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