I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
