He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
