Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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