Grow some girl-balls and come out already
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
