I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
