you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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