I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
