thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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