K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
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That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I think I just sharted jello shots
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