I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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