Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
